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4 Years & Counting

Writer's picture: Landon PayneLandon Payne

Today, I'm celebrating four years of sobriety from alcohol.


Four years ago, I could hardly imagine reaching this milestone. I remember the dark days when going even a single day without a drink felt impossible. At the tender age of 36, I never thought I’d have the strength to get here. Now, not only am I simply happy to be alive, but I’m also deeply grateful for the resilience and determination that have carried me this far.


If you’ve been following my journey, you know my struggle with alcohol began in college. What started as social drinking with friends quickly spiraled into a daily coping ritual. My mind rarely felt like my own, and when it was, I was consumed by anxiety and depression. I lived in that cycle far too long, until one day, I woke up and decided it was time to put the caps back on the bottles.


The day I quit drinking is one I’ll never forget. I was with some close friends, catching up over cocktails and sharing a few laughs (most of them at my expense). Outside, we were witnessing the aftermath of a terrible Oklahoma ice storm, but I had managed to find a way to get a bottle and needed someone to share it with.


At that point, my life was in shambles. I was fresh out of a failed marriage that had drained me emotionally for years. I was in between jobs, living with my parents, and feeling utterly lost. Nothing made sense except getting drunk to forget about my problems. But deep down, I knew that life doesn’t work that way, and my way of coping wasn’t sustainable.


As I entertained my friends with self-deprecating jokes, the weight of my reality suddenly hit me. This wasn’t the life I wanted. I had hit so many rock bottoms before, but this time was different. Drunk and exhausted, I finally admitted to myself that I had a problem and couldn’t keep going like this.


At that moment, I announced to my friends that I wanted to quit drinking. To my surprise, they immediately wrapped me in love and support. I didn’t know if I’d actually follow through after leaving that night, but I knew I had to try. That simple declaration was the first step toward reclaiming my life.


The days that followed were some of the hardest of my life, but they were also the most pivotal. I started small, focusing on getting through one day at a time without picking up a drink. I poured myself into learning about addiction and recovery, leaning on resources and support groups to help me stay accountable. My friends’ encouragement in that first moment gave me the courage to take the next step, and soon, I began building a foundation for a sober life.


My family played a vital role in this transformation, especially my mom. She and my family not only acknowledged my triggers but also went out of their way to understand my cravings and help me use the tools I had picked up to stay sober.


My support system of friends and family, continues to heal me, from listening when I needed to vent to stocking their home with non-alcoholic beverages so I feel comfortable and included. Their understanding and proactive kindness make all the difference, reminding me that I'm not alone in this journey.


What surprised me the most was how each small victory like saying no to a drink or opening up to all of you through this blog gave me a sense of strength I hadn’t felt in years. I began to see the world differently, with a clarity I never thought possible. It wasn’t just about quitting alcohol; it was about rediscovering who I was and what I was capable of when I wasn’t numbing myself.


Reflecting on these past four years, I am grateful for the life I’ve built. Sobriety has given me the chance to rebuild relationships, pursue my passions, and be present for the moments that matter. It’s not always easy, but every challenge I’ve faced has reminded me just how far I’ve come and how much I’m capable of achieving.


To anyone out there who is struggling with addiction or wondering if an alcohol-free life is worth it, I want you to know this: it absolutely is. The journey is challenging, but the rewards are immeasurable. You’re not alone, and there is a community of people who understand and want to support you. If I can do it, so can you. Here’s to four years sober and many more milestones ahead.


If my story resonates with you or inspires you to take that first step, I encourage you to reach out. You don't have to do this alone, whether it’s to a trusted friend, a support group, or even a professional. Please share your thoughts in the comments or message me directly. I’m here to listen and help however I can. Together, we can show that there is life and joy beyond alcohol.

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